I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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