HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
COCAINE IS GR8
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
