I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
