We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
