I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
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How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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