I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
