that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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