my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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