that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
