The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Swine flu. Run for my life!
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
