i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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