I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
