I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
