Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
