his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
