It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
