that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Alive.
So much puke
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
