ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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