After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This is classic penis vs brain.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
