I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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