Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Randomize
