I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
