"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
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