So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
