You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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