we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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