he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There r osticjed everywhere
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think I sprained my soul last night
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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