So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
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You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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