just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
