he shaved USA in his pubs
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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