Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
