So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
