he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
we should paint friendship bongs
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
