Banned from zoo.
Again?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Randomize
