you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
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We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
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He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize