Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
