dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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