I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
