I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
