So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
His nipple licking is glorious
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