Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
