in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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