Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
