Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
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At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
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the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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