Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
