They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
