I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
