So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
