I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
