In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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