OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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