Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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