her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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