I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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