Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
