i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
