dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
