i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
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I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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