my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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