Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dignity is for republicans.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
