there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
