i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Congratulations! We have a period
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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