Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
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