it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
