I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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