planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Randomize
