So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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