Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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