my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
