I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
This baby is an asshole
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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