that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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