I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
