I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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